StudentNurse
Friday, February 27, 2009
End of the road
I knew this day was long coming. I even actually envisioned it. And I promised myself that when the day came I would let it linger, savoring it, counting my blessings, full of gratitude, I would feel it and let it feel me, I would let it gently caress me, letting it hug me oh so tenderly yet genuinely. And yet here it is. What can I say? how do I put what I feel in words? how do I type it out here for all and sundry to read? how do I phrase it impeccably for me to come back and read it in the future and still relate? how do I not lose this feeling in writing it? because if I get it all out and on to this journal it's no longer inside of me and these words are the pages of my diary? but I'll write it here because in my heart and soul it is indeed etched in stone.
I just finished reading one of the most beautiful books I've read in a very long time. Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt. There are great writers then there are people like me. But that's now what I'm here to write about today so I digress...
Who am I kidding? It's been a long and grueling journey. One that has been filled with tears of joy and triumph and yet still tears of despair and anguish. Tears that have been shed from been on edge and at the very point of wanting to throw in the towel and live on telling myself I gave it my best only it didn't work out but that's ok too because not everything in this life is meant to work out for us, right? But the other night a friend reminded me that all we have to do to make God laugh is tell Him our plans. I would lie if I said it has all been easy but then again who said it was going to be?
I vividly recall seating in that orientation room one summer day of 2006 in business casual. In there for my nursing orientation from morning until evening. But even before this I remember finding out I had been accepted into nursing school. And still even before that I remember writing my essay and filling out my nursing school application. I remember it all. So when the orientation came the only thing sitting infront of me on the table was a placard with my name. An only foreign student surrounded by a sea of strangers only they all looked lost like I did and later as we got to know each other had admitted they actually had felt lost. The nursing department had bombarded us with all this info and often enough reminded us what a strong support system we'd all need to get through this. It had been one speaker after another, then we had fitted our smurf blue nursing scrubs and then had our pictures taken for our IDs and before we knew it we were in class. And then the journey had started and the rest as they say is history and all well documented in my posts in this entire blog.
It had been tough though. I didn't drive and had to take a bus from work to class and from home to the clinical sites and back. I clearly remember during one of my classes my clinical rotation had ended at 11pm, a friend would give me a ride to the trolley stop then I'd had to wait until 1243am for the last trolley of the night. It was scary getting on the trolley at such wee hours but I had no choice this was my life as I knew it. I'd get off the trolley at around 130am and start my 30mins walk home in the dark and abandoned streets. It was scary been a girl and all. I would walk as fast as I could tightly clutching my pepper spray. Some nights I'd be brave while on others I was just ready to crap my pants from fear. Each time I got outside my house which would normally be around 2am I'd kneel on the concrete pavement, kiss it and thank God for getting me home. I did this each night without fail. And God did take care of me because I wouldn't know to say who else. I would get home at 2am, have a bowl of cereal, do a couple of assignments and get in bed and snooze for a couple of hours. On the one night a week I had lecture, I'd leave the office at 3pm and get on the bus to campus and was there around 530pm which was when the class started. Class ended at 1000pm then I'd get on the last bus that would take me downtown and get on the last trolley at 1243am. But again God did get me through.
So this morning (it's 2am) as I type this I'm overwhelmed and I'm tearing because as much as I knew this day was coming I didn't know how it'd come or how it'd find me. But come it did anyway. Above everyone and everything I'm grateful to God. If it wasn't for His great plans for my life, mercies, grace, and steadfast love I surely wouldn't have made it this far. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for the angels He planted on the paths I trod day and night because He already knew them, grateful for the angels He put in my life. Secondly, I'm grateful for a great and truly the best family. They loved me a little bit more each day, prayed for and with me, texted me, called me, and sent e-mails to support me despite our being worlds apart. I'm grateful for the angels God sent me, my Italian family, and each last one of my friends who supported me as well and reminded me I could do it.
This month I've taken my last nursing class. Issues in Professional Nursing. It has been a great class. Tomorrow I turn in my nursing portfolio folder and CD ROM. And it's adios nursing school. It's very uplifting and again overwhelming but I'm beside myself with joy. I want to absolutely go nuts and just lose it for a day. For all the agony, stress, and the freak nursing school made out of me or made me. But when this journey ends another one starts and my next journey is to study for my RN boards. I've faith I will pass them on my first take. I start studying next month. Can you believe it? GO ME!!!!
Here's to all my friends and myself for making it through nursing school, may we all pass the boards and be the greatest nurses in the world over!!! WooHoo. Then here's to my dear friends who are still in the journey, hang in there, each day is more challenging alright but each day brings you closer to the prize so soldier on beloveds!!!
Hugs & Kisses
te amo
mucho amor,
Estudiante enfermera
p.s. I'll be back soon to let you know I passed my RN boards :)
I just finished reading one of the most beautiful books I've read in a very long time. Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt. There are great writers then there are people like me. But that's now what I'm here to write about today so I digress...
Who am I kidding? It's been a long and grueling journey. One that has been filled with tears of joy and triumph and yet still tears of despair and anguish. Tears that have been shed from been on edge and at the very point of wanting to throw in the towel and live on telling myself I gave it my best only it didn't work out but that's ok too because not everything in this life is meant to work out for us, right? But the other night a friend reminded me that all we have to do to make God laugh is tell Him our plans. I would lie if I said it has all been easy but then again who said it was going to be?
I vividly recall seating in that orientation room one summer day of 2006 in business casual. In there for my nursing orientation from morning until evening. But even before this I remember finding out I had been accepted into nursing school. And still even before that I remember writing my essay and filling out my nursing school application. I remember it all. So when the orientation came the only thing sitting infront of me on the table was a placard with my name. An only foreign student surrounded by a sea of strangers only they all looked lost like I did and later as we got to know each other had admitted they actually had felt lost. The nursing department had bombarded us with all this info and often enough reminded us what a strong support system we'd all need to get through this. It had been one speaker after another, then we had fitted our smurf blue nursing scrubs and then had our pictures taken for our IDs and before we knew it we were in class. And then the journey had started and the rest as they say is history and all well documented in my posts in this entire blog.
It had been tough though. I didn't drive and had to take a bus from work to class and from home to the clinical sites and back. I clearly remember during one of my classes my clinical rotation had ended at 11pm, a friend would give me a ride to the trolley stop then I'd had to wait until 1243am for the last trolley of the night. It was scary getting on the trolley at such wee hours but I had no choice this was my life as I knew it. I'd get off the trolley at around 130am and start my 30mins walk home in the dark and abandoned streets. It was scary been a girl and all. I would walk as fast as I could tightly clutching my pepper spray. Some nights I'd be brave while on others I was just ready to crap my pants from fear. Each time I got outside my house which would normally be around 2am I'd kneel on the concrete pavement, kiss it and thank God for getting me home. I did this each night without fail. And God did take care of me because I wouldn't know to say who else. I would get home at 2am, have a bowl of cereal, do a couple of assignments and get in bed and snooze for a couple of hours. On the one night a week I had lecture, I'd leave the office at 3pm and get on the bus to campus and was there around 530pm which was when the class started. Class ended at 1000pm then I'd get on the last bus that would take me downtown and get on the last trolley at 1243am. But again God did get me through.
So this morning (it's 2am) as I type this I'm overwhelmed and I'm tearing because as much as I knew this day was coming I didn't know how it'd come or how it'd find me. But come it did anyway. Above everyone and everything I'm grateful to God. If it wasn't for His great plans for my life, mercies, grace, and steadfast love I surely wouldn't have made it this far. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for the angels He planted on the paths I trod day and night because He already knew them, grateful for the angels He put in my life. Secondly, I'm grateful for a great and truly the best family. They loved me a little bit more each day, prayed for and with me, texted me, called me, and sent e-mails to support me despite our being worlds apart. I'm grateful for the angels God sent me, my Italian family, and each last one of my friends who supported me as well and reminded me I could do it.
This month I've taken my last nursing class. Issues in Professional Nursing. It has been a great class. Tomorrow I turn in my nursing portfolio folder and CD ROM. And it's adios nursing school. It's very uplifting and again overwhelming but I'm beside myself with joy. I want to absolutely go nuts and just lose it for a day. For all the agony, stress, and the freak nursing school made out of me or made me. But when this journey ends another one starts and my next journey is to study for my RN boards. I've faith I will pass them on my first take. I start studying next month. Can you believe it? GO ME!!!!
Here's to all my friends and myself for making it through nursing school, may we all pass the boards and be the greatest nurses in the world over!!! WooHoo. Then here's to my dear friends who are still in the journey, hang in there, each day is more challenging alright but each day brings you closer to the prize so soldier on beloveds!!!
Hugs & Kisses
te amo
mucho amor,
Estudiante enfermera
p.s. I'll be back soon to let you know I passed my RN boards :)
Labels: Adieu, Nursing School
posted by Student Nurse at 1:46 AM
Sunday, February 01, 2009
January Re-visted
I'm typing this from a friend's couch. We just came back from church and I might add the service was great and that number, Majesty (by Delirious), did the trick :)
It's the 1st of February otherwise dubbed as the 43rd (?) superbowl? And let it be known I'm rooting for the Steelers. The church told the story because all levels were crowded and it took us a while to actually find a place for two to sit. Because everyone was trying to get church out of the way so that they could party for the rest of the day. I'm polling for the Steelers because they beat the Chargers and I want to know we were beat by the absolute best. So go, Steelers, bring it home!!!
January was tough. Wow. Nursing research dealt me blow after blow. I was up most days and nights doing and revising papers and endless assignments. According, to my instructor (who absolutely loves me) and how do I know this ? because after every phone conversation she tells me "I love you, kiddo".
So how then did she push me so hard? I figure it was to make me the best nurse. I'm biased as I type this because I just found out I passed the class with a B-. But during those days and nights I labored it was not funny at all. I clearly recall coming home one morning and going into my closest and crying out my frustration and confusion amidst my shoes and clothes. It was too much to bear. I later emerged and called my moms who encouraged me and reminded me she was coming to see me in June and would I be strong because no one has it easy during a research class.
The only thing, in spite of all my efforts I didn't seem to be doing anything right in my instructor's books. It was exhausting. At some point I wanted to throw up my hands, throw in the towel and quit. But I'm a fighter and I don't go down easily. So, I pressed on, soldiered on until last night. And last night as I crawled under the covers at home in my bed for like the first time this year (no exaggeration) I breathed in a sigh of relief because I knew it had all finally come to a close. The end was here. In my bff's words it was "a wrap".
Funny because I was on the phone w/the bff and suddenly had an incoming call from my instructor. What was it this time? had I screwed up the final exam? My mind went back to the previous day, Saturday, when I had spent most of my day at the library glued to the computer and taken 3 hours to take the final exam. So it couldn't be that right? because I recalled putting in as much detail as was possible. Oh then it hit me what it was. It had to be the revised journal and part III I had just turned in a couple of minutes ago. I wasn't going to pick up the call I told the bff. For once I wanted to go to bed and not have nightmares of a paper full of red (the instructor's corrections) or an in-box full of e-mails all titled "URGENT" from my instructor. Yes, for this once I wanted to go to sleep with no worries and that could only be facilitated by not picking up the call or checking my e--mail again that night. I could not imagine revising one more paper before she graded my final to indicate I had officially failed the class and I needed to do some make-up work to pass the class. Therefore, I pulled the covers over my head and got my beauty sleep for the first time since the year began. And today? I feel so revitalized, recouped and just ready to take on the world. Tomorrow? well tomorrow I start NSG 440, which is officially my last nursing course. I'm overly thankful and full of gratitude to God for bringing me this far. Oh what I'd do without Him?
Current superbowl score: Steelers 20
Cardinals 7
GO, STEELERS!!!!
Mood: contemplative & happy
Songs playing in mind: Majesty-Delirious
Games People Play-Inner Circle
Single ladies/Put a ring on it-Beyonce
It's the 1st of February otherwise dubbed as the 43rd (?) superbowl? And let it be known I'm rooting for the Steelers. The church told the story because all levels were crowded and it took us a while to actually find a place for two to sit. Because everyone was trying to get church out of the way so that they could party for the rest of the day. I'm polling for the Steelers because they beat the Chargers and I want to know we were beat by the absolute best. So go, Steelers, bring it home!!!
January was tough. Wow. Nursing research dealt me blow after blow. I was up most days and nights doing and revising papers and endless assignments. According, to my instructor (who absolutely loves me) and how do I know this ? because after every phone conversation she tells me "I love you, kiddo".
So how then did she push me so hard? I figure it was to make me the best nurse. I'm biased as I type this because I just found out I passed the class with a B-. But during those days and nights I labored it was not funny at all. I clearly recall coming home one morning and going into my closest and crying out my frustration and confusion amidst my shoes and clothes. It was too much to bear. I later emerged and called my moms who encouraged me and reminded me she was coming to see me in June and would I be strong because no one has it easy during a research class.
The only thing, in spite of all my efforts I didn't seem to be doing anything right in my instructor's books. It was exhausting. At some point I wanted to throw up my hands, throw in the towel and quit. But I'm a fighter and I don't go down easily. So, I pressed on, soldiered on until last night. And last night as I crawled under the covers at home in my bed for like the first time this year (no exaggeration) I breathed in a sigh of relief because I knew it had all finally come to a close. The end was here. In my bff's words it was "a wrap".
Funny because I was on the phone w/the bff and suddenly had an incoming call from my instructor. What was it this time? had I screwed up the final exam? My mind went back to the previous day, Saturday, when I had spent most of my day at the library glued to the computer and taken 3 hours to take the final exam. So it couldn't be that right? because I recalled putting in as much detail as was possible. Oh then it hit me what it was. It had to be the revised journal and part III I had just turned in a couple of minutes ago. I wasn't going to pick up the call I told the bff. For once I wanted to go to bed and not have nightmares of a paper full of red (the instructor's corrections) or an in-box full of e-mails all titled "URGENT" from my instructor. Yes, for this once I wanted to go to sleep with no worries and that could only be facilitated by not picking up the call or checking my e--mail again that night. I could not imagine revising one more paper before she graded my final to indicate I had officially failed the class and I needed to do some make-up work to pass the class. Therefore, I pulled the covers over my head and got my beauty sleep for the first time since the year began. And today? I feel so revitalized, recouped and just ready to take on the world. Tomorrow? well tomorrow I start NSG 440, which is officially my last nursing course. I'm overly thankful and full of gratitude to God for bringing me this far. Oh what I'd do without Him?
Current superbowl score: Steelers 20
Cardinals 7
GO, STEELERS!!!!
Mood: contemplative & happy
Songs playing in mind: Majesty-Delirious
Games People Play-Inner Circle
Single ladies/Put a ring on it-Beyonce
Labels: Nursing Research, Nursing School
posted by Student Nurse at 12:37 PM
