StudentNurse
Sunday, January 11, 2009
No Recollection
My memory fails me. Fails me remembering when I first began doubting myself or when my heart first faltered and when this game of me second guessing myself all began. Yet here all of them are.
A lot has been happening. Much of which has been hurtful and shattering. And with that I think a little belief, faith and hope has slipped from me in to the nothingness around me. I've always believed and told myself that if I were to lose all else I'd want to keep holding on God's love, faith, hope, grace, mercy and belief. And even in this crashing waves that am in, the raging storms I am in and even in my facing the giants I refuse to let go of my faith, hope and trust in God. After all it is all I know. That which I live, eat, walk and sleep.
Doubt is as bad as the thief. It comes to steal that which we have always known and held on to. It comes only to take away and not give. So why would I want to be a part of it I ask? I wouldn't. And I don't. But I doubt. I doubt so much. Often. Lately. God doesn't want me to doubt. It is crystal clear in the bible. James 1:6. "He who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways, will receive anything from the Lord." I do not want to doubt. I shall doubt no more. I've not been doubting God. But myself. I've been doubting me. But, no more doubting.
When sorrows have come and come they have and burdened my heart be. I've waited in the silence until He has come and sat a while with me. He has held me. Everytime. When all else has fallen. He has held me. And that's the promise to be held when all else falls. When we lose our faith and hope to know I am ok because am in better hands. He is the only one who stands with me when the sacred is torn from my life. When it's so painful and hurts so bad. On those days when I just want to crawl under the covers and not come out until its all calm. But then again what is life without challenges. It is in trial and temptation that God's strength is manifest.
I started NSG 422 this month. I ordered my book in December and it's not here yet. Oh am so falling behind. But am trusting God and watch Him part the waters for me. Thank you God.
I'm trusting God for a lot of things and in a lot of areas in my life and I've faith and hope He shall come through for me.
In the meantime, I am so uplifted by Casting Crowns, Natalie Grant & Selah. And Richie Spice's (the way you're living) gets me bopping my head every so often and dancing around my room.
A lot has been happening. Much of which has been hurtful and shattering. And with that I think a little belief, faith and hope has slipped from me in to the nothingness around me. I've always believed and told myself that if I were to lose all else I'd want to keep holding on God's love, faith, hope, grace, mercy and belief. And even in this crashing waves that am in, the raging storms I am in and even in my facing the giants I refuse to let go of my faith, hope and trust in God. After all it is all I know. That which I live, eat, walk and sleep.
Doubt is as bad as the thief. It comes to steal that which we have always known and held on to. It comes only to take away and not give. So why would I want to be a part of it I ask? I wouldn't. And I don't. But I doubt. I doubt so much. Often. Lately. God doesn't want me to doubt. It is crystal clear in the bible. James 1:6. "He who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways, will receive anything from the Lord." I do not want to doubt. I shall doubt no more. I've not been doubting God. But myself. I've been doubting me. But, no more doubting.
When sorrows have come and come they have and burdened my heart be. I've waited in the silence until He has come and sat a while with me. He has held me. Everytime. When all else has fallen. He has held me. And that's the promise to be held when all else falls. When we lose our faith and hope to know I am ok because am in better hands. He is the only one who stands with me when the sacred is torn from my life. When it's so painful and hurts so bad. On those days when I just want to crawl under the covers and not come out until its all calm. But then again what is life without challenges. It is in trial and temptation that God's strength is manifest.
I started NSG 422 this month. I ordered my book in December and it's not here yet. Oh am so falling behind. But am trusting God and watch Him part the waters for me. Thank you God.
I'm trusting God for a lot of things and in a lot of areas in my life and I've faith and hope He shall come through for me.
In the meantime, I am so uplifted by Casting Crowns, Natalie Grant & Selah. And Richie Spice's (the way you're living) gets me bopping my head every so often and dancing around my room.
posted by Student Nurse at 4:18 PM
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